


I'll Take The Blame (For The Sake of Being With You)

by Gzmoii



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, OT4, hoe king Sam Wilson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:16:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7984777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gzmoii/pseuds/Gzmoii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is hurt. Bucky is back. Steve's okay.</p><p>Riley is back. Steve's hurt. Sam is still hurt, but he's trying to be okay. </p><p>He just wishes that Steve would stop pushing him away.</p><p> </p><p>Or, alternatively, SamHarem with Steve, Bucky, and Riley that I like to work on when I'm bored and can't write anything else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from 'Pushing Me Away' by Linkin Park

 

“Are you okay with this...just this?” Steve panted, his body under Sam's, one hand on Sam's hips and the other around his cock, his thumb rubbing circles against Sam's tip. “I can't-Buck, he...” Steve shut his eyes, trying to find the right words to tell Sam.

_He's not ready._  

_I can't spring this on him, too. So much has changed since things have been normal for him. I want to help him get that back._

“I'm not choosing him over you, Sam. Believe me, I'm not.” Steve let out an unsteady breath, canting his hips up.

 “Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?” Sam smiled. “It's okay, Steve. I’m not asking any more than this from you. I'm not that selfish.” He rotated his hips, his hand going down to Steve’s cheek, then up his hair, running his fingers through it.

 “I know things weren't like that with you and Bucky, but I know how it feels when they are.” Sam let Steve buck his hips, matching his pace. “I still have the engagement ring Riley gave me the day he went missing.” Sam felt himself begin to fade away from their current situation, back to the night when Riley had finally asked him to marry him.

 “Sam.” Steve squeezed Sam's hips, bringing him back. “I'm here right now. Stay with me.” Sam nodded, continuing his movements as Steve stroked him languidly, kissing his jaw. “Just let me have you right now. Say you're mine.” Steve’s voice was pleading.

 “I'm...” Sam let out a quiet sigh. “I'm yours, Steve.”

 Steve smiled. “Are you gonna stay?” He asked, his eyes wide with butter-wouldn't-melt innocence. “Just tonight?”

 “Okay.” Sam nodded, bringing himself down so their hips connected, because he really was okay with whatever ‘this’ was. The sex was good, sometimes slow and sometimes rushed and needy, but Sam never felt like he needed to love Steve. He was glad to not be put first, to not have to commit. Because maybe Bucky wasn't ready (lie; everyone knows it's Steve who's hesitant) but Sam wasn't either. He wasn't immune to feeling broken after losing someone he loved, and the pain just grew stronger whenever he saw Bucky.

 Because Steve got his best friend back. But Sam's lover, Sam's best friend, Sam's Fiancé? He was gone, and Sam wasn't ever gonna get him back.

 A hand on Sam's cheek brought him back once again, and he took notice of his flagging erection. “...Sorry. I'm out of it tonight.” He apologized to Steve.

 “Let's watch a movie.” Steve sat up completely, helping Sam off of him. “Or just lay down, if you want. You can talk to me, Sam.”

 Sam laid his head on Steve’s chest, closing his eyes as he allowed Steve to hold him. He listened to his heartbeat, strong and steady, and told him everything. How much he still loved Riley, how every day it became harder to remember what his voice sounded like, how he wondered every day if Riley was still out there, and if he was, would he ever forgive Sam for giving up on him. How much it hurt to miss him. “I just want him back, but I know that is never going to happen.” Sam squeezed Steve's offered hand and sighed.

 “I know I'm not Riley, that I can't ever be him. But I'm here. Just focus on me, and I'll fight all of your demons for you.” Steve leaned in and kissed Sam gently, just a simple press of lips that didn't turn into anything more.

 Steve wanted Sam to love him.

 It was easy to tell, with the way Steve would always tell Sam ‘focus on me’ whenever he was lost. Steve wanted Sam to love him in the kind of way that only comes from relying on someone to help you when you can't help yourself. An all-encompassing, true kind of love. He wanted Sam to love him more than he loved Riley. He wanted Sam's love for him to save him from killing himself from the inside-out.

 But Sam wasn't dying. Not for anyone, not even Riley. In fact, most days, he was perfectly fine. He handled Riley’s death one day at a time, and there were highs and lows. Today was just a low day for him.

“Sam, come back.” Steve whispered. “Stay with me.”

 “I'm trying.” Sam said in the same hushed tone. “I need you to...”

Steve nodded. “Okay.” And he held Sam close to his chest, grounding him, his hand on the small of Sam's back keeping him present enough to fall asleep. 

That night, Sam did have nightmares. But when he woke up, held in Steve’s strong arms, he couldn't remember what any of them were about.

 

* * *

 

 

When Sam had told Steve he was okay with whatever ‘this’ was between the two of them, he had meant it. He still does, even as the lines started to blur so much that on the outside looking in, ‘this’ is a relationship. Because when it came down to it, even now that Bucky was around, it was always him and Steve.

During missions, Sam would always be there to catch Steve. He's stronger and faster than before, and he would never let him fall.

While they were at Sam's apartment, they would make out lazily on the couch, Steve’s sneaky hands trailing inside of Sam's shirt and grabbing his ass through his pants. It was rare that their making out didn't turn into something more. It was also rare that they actually made it to the bedroom before Steve ripped off both their clothes and fucked Sam until he couldn't remember his own name.

 Even on Sam's increasingly rare low days, Steve would have Sam strip down and he would use Sam's body as his personal canvas. It was therapeutic, to feel the brush strokes grounding Sam and keeping him there. And when it wasn't enough, Steve would simply tell Sam to ‘stay’ and that would be enough. It was one of these times, when Steve was drawing birds on Sam's chest and Sam's eyes clouded over, that Steve spoke and everything changed.

“I love you. Stay with me.” He had said, and Sam's eyes had widened, but he nodded regardless.

 “Always.”

 And that was it. No big show of a confession. No panic. Sam and Steve were dating, because Sam was no longer playing second fiddle to Bucky and the pain he felt didn't hurt nearly as much as it used to, so ‘this’ was a relationship, and things didn't change much, except they were just more open. They two men didn't care who saw them kiss or who heard them whisper sweet nothings to each other, because they were happy together, and everyone that actually mattered approved.

 But then, the ghost in Sam's heart returned.

* * *

 

“Hey, don't do that. Steve, that tickles!” Sam giggled, struggling in Steve’s arms as the man nuzzled his nose into Sam's neck, carrying him inside Avenger’s tower.

 “I'll stop if you pay attention to me.” Steve mumbled, biting Sam's collarbone gently. He wanted Sam with him at all time. He loved him.

 “I have paperwork.” Sam’s expression was unhappy with the options he had, but he had to get the job done. He was an official employee for Stark industries, and that meant he was responsible for cleaning up Tony’s latest mess in Manhattan.

 “You also have a boyfriend, and I'm way more fun than paperwork.” Steve lifted Sam into his arms and pressed his lips to his cheek. “Come on. For me?”

 “You're only marginally more fun than paperwork, Captain Small Ass.” Sam rolled his eyes. “But okay. I guess I can, for you.”

 Sam tilted his chin up, towards Steve, before his phone rang and he reached into his pocket, sliding his finger across the screen immediately when he saw who it was. He rarely ever got calls from his contact working overseas, not unless it was an emergency. “What happened?”

  _“Sam, it's me.”_

 Sam froze at the voice that he knew so well.

  _“I..I don't know what's going on. Apparently, years have passed, but I don't remember any of it. I just knew I had to hear your voice. Morrison said you were alright, but I've been watching the news. I had to make sure.”_

 “Riley, is this really you? Where are you?” Sam asked worriedly.

  _“In a plane. I spent a few weeks under psychological evaluation. Apparently, I was being held prisoner by Hydra as leverage. But I'm coming back.”_

 Sam looked up at Steve, who was looking at him with a mixture of fear and hope in his eyes.

 Fear that Sam was going to leave him. Hope that he wouldn't.

 But Sam knew Steve. Better than most.

 “Steve-” Sam bit his lip. "Hydra again. We have to-" Steve cut him off.

 “Are you sure it's really him?”

  _Were you sure it was really Bucky?_ Sam thought at first, but held his tongue, not wanting to lash out at Steve needlessly. He nodded. “He's coming here. To D.C.”

  _“Sam, who is that?”_

 “I gotta go, Ry. Give me a few minutes.” Sam hung up the phone. “Steve, wait a second. Before you-”

 Steve set Sam down. “Riley is back. Sam, I'm so happy for you.” He looked away, taking a step towards Sam's front door.

 “Steve-”

 “Riley makes you happy. I can't-I'm-I have to let you be happy.”

 “Steve, wait! Are you breaking up with me?”

 A slow nod. “Goodbye, Sam.”

Sam didn't watch Steve as he left. He took a deep breath, fighting back tears, and called Riley.

 

* * *

 

_“Steve, this is Sam. Call me back when you get a chance.”_

_“Steve, talk to me. I know you're not on a mission.”_

_“Steve, you don't get to decide what's best for me. You made me happy. Talk to me. Let me make my decision.”_

Steve stared at his Stark-issued cell phone dumbly, his knees pulled up to his chest on his bed in his and Bucky’s shared apartment. He wiped his eyes hastily as he heard the sound of footsteps, his back against the wall. Steve, like most veterans, always laid down facing the door when he was alone. He had gotten used to doing so for Sam; Steve holding Sam in his arms, watching his six while Sam slept soundly on the rare nights he was nightmare-free.

Steve missed him so much.

“You are such a piece of shit.”

Steve blinked up at Bucky. “Just stay out of it, Buck.”

“Like hell I will.” Bucky sauntered into Steve’s room, the arm Dr. Cho had replaced his old metal one with immediately catching Steve's attention.

“I'll give you a hand.” Steve removed the synthetic, human-looking hand and held it out to Steve. “Or maybe Sam, who just got dumped for no fucking reason.”

“Riley’s back, Bucky.” Steve tried to argue.

“So am I, Steve. Your point?” Bucky hit Steve with the synthetic arm before putting it back on. “Sam loves you. You love him.”

“He and Riley were engaged!” Steve sat up abruptly, his hand accidentally going through the mattress a he riled himself up.

Bucky shrugged Steve's outburst off like it was nothing. “Fight for him, you jackass. Only thing you've done so far is push him into the arms of another man. I know I sure as hell would be much more appreciative if I had a guy like that.”

“Buck,” Steve sighed heavily. “I’ll talk to him when I’m ready.” It was only a half lie. He would never talk to Sam, because he would never be ready. He knew Riley deserved Sam more than he ever would. Riley was out alongside Sam; he never used Sam selfishly the way Steve had for entirely too long and he was ready for the quiet life. Riley and Sam could get married and grow old together.

All things Steve could never do with Sam.

“Sam deserves better.” Bucky shook his head. “God dammit, Steve! Sam deserves to at least be given a choice!” He clenched his fists, his entire body trembling with anger. Although he and Sam weren’t nearly as close as himself and Steve, Bucky still cared for the man deeply. He was the only one that made him feel human for months after getting off the ice in Wakanda. “Look at yourself, Stevie. You’re miserable. He’s probably miserable, too. You could be happy with him, if you stopped being such a damned idiot.”

“Riley was Sam’s fiance, Buck.”

“Mm...don’t care.” Bucky put one hand on his hip. “Sam isn’t just going to drop you, Stevie.”

“Just let me think for a second.” Steve rolled over, pulling his blankets over his head. “I’ll talk to him. I just need some time.”

 

* * *

 

 

Weeks passed.

Steve didn’t call, Steve didn’t text.

Steve made absolutely no move to talk to Sam.

And, frankly, Bucky was tired of it.

“That’s it.” Steve winced when he heard Bucky’s voice on the other side of the door, and ducked his head shamefully, hiding behind a mountain of blankets.

Bucky kicked the door down. “Why don’t you want to be happy?” He asked him, kicking him in the side. “Answer me, Stevie! Inquiring minds would love to know why you’ve gotten your head far enough up your ass that you pushed someone who loved you enough to go chasing me around cross-country with you for two years?”

“Maybe I should go talk to him.”

Bucky stared at Steve for several moments, before he threw his hands up in indignation and paced around the room. “I’m gonna explain to you exactly what you have done, Stevie, and you’re gonna shut the hell up.”

Steve nodded. Bucky was already angry at him, and he didn’t want to make things worse.

“Good. So,” He clasped his hands behind his back. “We’ll go by the timeline. Let’s start with day three. Riley, Sam’s OLD flame, is back. You picturing it?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, I am.”

_“Sam.” Riley’s face was the perfect picture of a soldier finally coming home. He could’ve went to his family in Kansas, but he tracked down Sam to their old apartment in D.C, instead. Sam was his home._

_“Riley, I-” Sam placed his hands on either side of Riley’s face. Riley had grown out a beard in the time he’d been a POW, albeit an amnesiac one, but his hair was still neat, grown out only slightly from its original length. “I’ve missed you so much.”_

**_“Me too.” Riley looked at Sam’s finger, noticing the absence of the ring. “Where is it?” His own ring had been taken while he was held. “Did someone...” He trailed off. “I can go get a new one, Sammy. The life we’d planned, settling down together. I still want that. Nothing has changed.”_ **

**_“Nothing has changed here, either, Ry.” Sam smiled, because his words were true. He took the ring out of his pocket, sliding it on._ **

**_Riley leaned in, pressing his lips to Sam’s. Confirming that Steve was right. That this was for the best. That the love he felt for Sam was nothing to-_ **

“Stevie! I see you filling in the blanks with stupid things that didn’t actually happen. Listen to me!”

“Okay, sorry.”  Steve looked away.

“Now, moving on.” Bucky continued. “We get to day seven. Sam’s still crying over your dumb ass.”

Steve’s heart sank. “I didn’t know he was-”

“Shut the fuck up, Stevie.You’re full of shit.” Bucky said scathingly.

_“I hate him so fucking much sometimes.” Sam sobbed into Riley’s lap, letting him brush his fingers over his lips as he spoke. “What a joke, right? After what happened, I didn’t think I’d ever be okay, and some big dumb blonde comes and we’re both fucked up. So we used each other, and then I fell for him, and I am so sorry.”_

_Riley, forever the kind and understanding man that Sam deserved, just smiled. “I forgive you. You thought I was dead, and if I had been, I would’ve wanted you to try and be happy for us both.”_

_“Riley...”_

_“I know.” Riley kissed Sam’s forehead, wiping away his tears. “How about I go and pick us both something up to eat, and you get some sleep, okay Baby?”_

_“Yeah.” Sam closed his eyes and rolled onto his side, letting Riley get up and watching him leave._

“I visited him, a week after that. We talked. Him and Riley are thinking of starting things up again.” Bucky leaned onto his synthetic hand. “He looks good, you know. A little softer around the edges. Ass looks phenomenal. Riley’s turning him into a wife. They both want to settle down.”

Steve looked up at Bucky. “Why are you telling me this? So I know that I fucked up? Missed my chance once again, and this time I get to watch?” His tone was rough, edged with an intense anger and hurt.

Bucky shook his head. “I’m your friend, Steve. Your best friend.” He sat down on the bed next to him. “That means something important. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Bucky flicked Steve’s forehead. “Look, Punk, I’m here because they want to talk to you. Sam still wants you, Steve, and Riley wants to meet you. Settling down with them would be good for you, Steve. Maybe it’s time to take someone under your wing.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I want to say I'm sorry or you're welcome for this fic because what the fuck

  
“Are you ready?” Bucky was standing behind Steve, his hair tucked behind his ears and a baseball cap on top of his head. He crossed his arms, taking the lead and knocking on the door.

“Yeah. I’m-I can do this.” Steve responded, his hands clasped behind his back, holding the bag with his apology gifts inside it. “Do you really think this is going to work?” He looked down at his lap. “I’m not sure if anything can make up for the time I’ve wasted.” 

“Don’t be stupid. He loves you.” Bucky flicked his forehead. “Fuckin’ punk.” He and Steve both looked towards the door as it started to open, revealing Sam in a pair of sweatpants that hugged his curvy hips and a t-shirt a few sizes too big that had to be Riley’s. 

Steve let his eyes linger on Sam’s thighs, licking his lips. Riley really has been feeding him well, thus far. The whole ‘wife’ thing rubbed Steve the wrong way, considering that when it was two males, they were both the husband, but he’d let it go for now. 

“Hey, Doll.” Bucky pulled Sam right into a hug, eliciting a laugh from him. 

“Hey, Fucky.” Sam smiled widely and gave Bucky a tight squeeze on his broad shoulders, glaring playfully when Bucky smacked his butt and then squeezed it in greeting. “You’re lucky Riley isn’t the jealous type.” He pulled away, his entire face going solemn when he saw Steve, although his eyes brightened. 

“Riley’s lucky he can cook, otherwise we’d be eating your food all the time and I’d rather not hop on the Sam love train just yet.” Bucky laughed. 

“You two seem...close.” Steve pointed out awkwardly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

Bucky shrugged. “I like his ass. Him? Not so much.” He joked, walking past Sam and going further inside. “What’s for dinner?” 

“Galuskies!” A voice from the far end of the kitchen yelled. “We made plenty.” 

“That’s what I like to hear. I’d starve if it wasn’t for you two, trying to live on 1940s cooking.” Bucky laughed, purposely standing in Riley’s line of sight to give the two men at the door some privacy. 

“Sam, I-” Sam smiled and threw himself into Steve’s arms, knocking him back a few steps. Steve dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“You big idiot. I should drop you off a building.” Sam squeezed him tighter. “I’ve missed you. Please don’t leave again.” His voice was pleading. 

“I won’t. I’m sorry, Sam. I just thought-”

“Wrong. You thought wrong.” Sam cut Steve off. “But you’re here now, and once I fill you in, you can decide if you still want me.” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Steve asked, pulling Sam’s body close to his. “You’re all I’ve been able to think about, Sam. I regret ever leaving your side.” He said honestly. Sam bit his lip. “You should probably go sit down.” Steve let himself be led to the couch, and Sam sat next to him. “So, it’s been almost two months since you were over here, and things have gotten a little complicated. Firstly, me and Riley are together again, but Riley doesn’t have a problem sharing me if it’s someone that truly cares about me.” Steve nodded. He already knew this part; there had to be something more that Sam wasn’t telling him. 

“Also, me and Bucky are kind of...sleeping together...occasionally.” 

Steve’s brows drew together. “...You and him are...wait, what?” He asked incredulously. “Sleeping together, or  _ sleeping together _ ?” 

“We’re all adults here, Stevie! Do the math.” Bucky yelled from the kitchen. 

“Were you planning on telling me this at any point?” Steve yelled back. “Jerk!” 

“Not my place! Ow, what the hell, man!” He yelled at Riley.

Steve looked away, suddenly feeling stupid. The three of them had all been building a relationship together, albeit a complicated one, and Steve was too busy wallowing in self-imposed sorrow and self-pity to think about what he could’ve had. Over a month, wasted. 

“Sam,” Steve began. “I still want you. Can I meet Riley?” 

Sam’s entire face brightened and he nodded. “Of course! Ry! Get your ass in here!” 

“Missing me already, Sweet Cheeks?” Sam rolled his eyes at him and waited for Riley to poke his head inside the room. 

“So, how is the happy couple?” He asked, grinning. “Not having too much fun, I hope.”

Sam smirked. “Come on. Meet your annoying, reckless, blue eyed counterpart.”

“Annoying  _ and  _ reckless? We’re practically family!” Riley said in his thick, country drawl, stepping into the room. “How’s it going, brother?” He said to Steve, sitting on his other side. “How you dealing with Sam and Bucko’s boner feelings for each other?” 

“Stop calling it that!” Sam and Bucky said at the same time. 

Riley leaned in, his arm draped around Steve’s shoulder, and smirked. “ _ Boner. Feelings.”  _ He whispered in his ear.

Steve felt his face get hot, and pointedly looked away from Riley. He was attractive, painfully so, and it was even worse when Steve was so close to him. Where Sam was beautiful, and Bucky was ruggedly handsome, Riley was attractive in a soft lumberjack way.He had a neatly trimmed beard, although it was still full, and wide shoulders, with a pair of the warmest green eyes Steve had ever seen. 

“This is the world-famous Steve Rogers Sam has told me all about. It’s a pleasure.” Riley told Steve, his thick Kansas accent doing terrible things to him. 

“Same here.” Steve smiled politely. “I, um, really care about Sam, so I can get behind whatever this is, if that means I can be with him, too.” He said resolutely. 

“You guys have fun with that.” Bucky walked out of the kitchen, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Me and Sammy here have an understanding. Isn’t that right, Doll?” Bucky walked over to the couch and picked Sam up, tossing him over his shoulder. “We’ll be back in an hour. You two go ahead and make nice with each other.” 

“Use protection!” Riley shouted after the two of them, reaching across Steve’s lap and grabbing the remote. His hand lingered on Steve’s thigh for a few seconds, and Steve felt the warmth his hand left, even after he removed it. “I don’t know if you know anything about me, but Sam talks about you a lot. Apparently, you’re a little shit.” 

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’m not that bad.” 

“Let’s add ‘in denial’ to that list of Steve Rogers qualities. Or should I say ‘liar’ instead?” Riley smirked at Steve, who playfully shoved his shoulder. Steve shoved a little harder than he would’ve with Sam, but Riley didn’t seem bothered. 

“So, where you from?” Steve asked.

“Wichita.” Riley leaned back against the couch, casually pulling Steve’s body closer to his, but Steve didn’t mind one bit. “Grew up next to the Doo-Dah Diner on Kellogg Street. Ever been, or are you just another City Boy?” 

“I’m a hundred percent Brooklyn, sorry, Riley.” Steve shrugged. “What can I say, it’s just who I am.” 

“We are who we are. Plus, you got some charm, since you won Sam over. He always told me the whole country bumpkin thing was sexy on me.” Riley smirked. “Once, he came just from me talking him through it.” Riley grinned devilishly, his voice low. “He really gets off on it. I wasn’t really a talker during sex before, but I make an exception for Sam. You should’ve seen it. He was behind our military barracks, his head thrown back, exposing that beautiful neck. He had sweat running down it, onto his chest...fuck, he’s so damn pretty, Steve.” 

Steve swallowed around the lump in his throat. “He is.” He agreed. 

“You fuck him, right?” 

Steve nodded, and Riley’s grin widened. 

“Good. His ass is made for it. He was a little thin when I first saw him this time around, his ass had lost the bounce it had whenever I smacked it. But I got it right back. His ass looks mighty good, doesn’t it? I know my foods Steve, so I made sure everything he ate would stick right to the meat of that ass. Me and Bucko talked about it, you know, when we double teamed Sam. His ass would jiggle every time one of us thrusted forward, it was so good. Maybe the three of us could all fuck him at once, next time.” Riley leaned forward, his lips at Steve’s ear, and Steve moaned. “He’s such a slut for it, Steve. He starts whining and begging for it. He wants all the cock he can get.” 

Steve licked his dry lips and then turned his head to look at Riley, his pupils blown wide with lust. 

“That turn you on?” Riley smirked, and Steve realized that when Sam had told him that Steve’s version of ‘being a little shit’ was nothing compared to Riley’s, he was right. 

“You’re doing this on purpose?” 

“Hell yeah I am.” Riley licked his lips, grabbing Steve by his collar and pulling him into a kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> [follow me on tumblr if you want!](https://nerdbbks.tumblr.com/)


End file.
